Thursday, 28 May 2009

• Acting Oblivious

  I haven't updated my xanga in a while but I will, later, with stuff focusing more so on all the things I've done but right now ..
  
  I want to tackle the rhetorical question posed: "Which is the essence and which is the facade?" It's a good question. It's a good question that I've probably naturally avoid.
  
  I feel like I have this old soul. It bears secrets to a wonderful alternative world with floating words of heart wrenching beauty. There are times when I sit there, stand there, lie there hours on end just stringing together the right words--the right composition. It breaks my heart. Stomping hard on the ground just to get it out, the tantrum of reluctant words that can strike people speechless. I don't know. I call myself an amateur poet, a hopeless romantic. Where in who I am can I differentiate which is the essence and which is the facade. Intertwined. The facade: the so-called intelligent procrastinator with a straightforward personality taking life by the horns. Maybe. The essence: lost, confused soul imprisoned by .. by what? I don't know.
  
  I find inspiration in strange places: a Silent Hill video game song, an improvisation of a tune, a lover, a fleeting feeling, a backwards ticking clock, a herd of cows grazing. Immersed and unstoppable. It's like I'm possessed. But it breaks my heart. And I tell you time and time again, it breaks my heart .. when can I put down .. in words, on paper what I want so badly--no, desperately--to express. This suffocating, overwhelming something that claws at my lungs, constricting it. Just this empty void. And no matter how hard I try to fill it, I can only satisfy so much.
  
  Inspiration: Improvisation by Sonic Altruism
  and the sun dances on its outstretched rays
  a ballet dance on its tippy toes
  pretty swirls of heat radiating
  and clouds stand still
  awaiting, rabbits ready to pounce
  they hide, they come out
  ready or not here i come
  oh how beautiful the shadows are
  to disappear
  bye, i welcome this new shade
  i will sleep now
  and listen to the wind whisper
  silent hellos to a lovely end
  
  Si. Do not reproduce por favor.
  

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